Madeleine (Maddie) Barnes, 30, poetry and visual art (photo/embroidery/collage)
Brooklyn, NY
Madeleine, sheltering in place in Brooklyn
Aside from your creative work do you have any additional source of income?
I’m lucky to be enrolled in a funded Ph.D. program with a research assistant position. I also work as an assistant book publicist and web designer, although my hours were recently cut back (hopefully temporarily) when social distancing measures were put into place.
Who do you live with and how do you feel about that?
I live with my spouse, and I’m so grateful for this especially because we recently went through the immigration process, which was nerve-wracking in its own right. It's a blessing to live together in Brooklyn where we can take care of each other and face the pandemic as a team. In some ways, this experience prepared us to live with uncertainty for long periods of time. I never take our togetherness for granted, especially now.
How are you spending your time?
Two words: banana bread. Like so many, I find it difficult to concentrate. There’s Ph.D. work to do, and that’s my anchor even if I can only read a few pages at a time. Otherwise, I’m fifteen again, coping with anxiety by practicing makeup art (thanks, Youtube!), watching Tiger King, reading about computer art and Surrealism, searching for virtual volunteer opportunities, dancing, watering my seventeen plants, Googling “how to block out the sound of sirens” and playing Drawful with family and friends. In terms of creativity, I don’t respond well to the pressure to create something out of public tragedy. As the death toll rises, I find hope in other people's stories of resilience. The never-ending pressure to be productive still lingers, and I feel conflicted at times--working on something gives me a sense of stability, but we all need plenty of time and space to mourn what’s happened and what's to come.
How is the pandemic impacting you?
Emotionally, I feel an enormous sense of grief for the dead and their families. I know two people who are sick with COVID and expect to know more soon. I feel grief for New York. I’m angry about the lack of medical equipment and how long it took for this pandemic and its spread to be taken seriously, and I fear that if my spouse and neighbors and friends become severely ill, it will be difficult to get treatment. New Yorkers are tough, but this is heartbreaking. Every day I read something like, “One New York City Resident Died Every 12 Minutes from Coronavirus Over the Weekend." People have said that you can’t understand what it’s like in New York if you’re not here, and I don’t want to neglect other valid forms of suffering that are taking place in this country—this is a scary, painful time for all—but being in New York right now hurts. New York is hurting. We go for short walks and see ambulances on every street in our neighborhood, and our neighborhood hasn’t even been hit as hard as others. It hurts to be apart from family and to know that going home poses a risk to them. It hurts to see our local shops and cafes closed knowing that they may never reopen. Every day we wonder whose lives will be saved and whose won’t, and how these decisions will be made.
What do you want to accomplish personally and/or professionally during this time?
I want to survive and to see my loved ones survive. These are my only goals at present.
What kind of world do you want to see on the other side of this?
It’s becoming increasingly difficult to imagine the other side. I hope to hug friends and family again with ease and to continue creating and helping other people create. I hope people will take the fragility of our lives and bodies more seriously. We need national healthcare, a better president, a dedication to addressing climate change, and a more nuanced understanding of work/life balance and absence/presence. Finally, I hope we’ll keep things available online. Thanks to technologies like Zoom and Skype, I actually feel more included and present in different spaces. I'm in less pain and hoping things will remain accessible. Overall I hope we can carry forward a sense of what actually matters. I hope to maintain a deeper sense of gratitude that informs the rest of my life.
How can people find you and support you and your work?
My first poetry collection will be published by Trio House Press on May 1, and you can preorder it here: https://madeleinebarnes.com/preorder-book. Thank you!